2 6 T H

Holy hell

Twenty Six ..........

I just still can't fathom.

This year I am doing very differently ever since last year REALLY HIT ME HARD

As in mentally or overthinking or maybe just quarter fucking life crisis IDK

I decided to turn off the social media birthday reminder bullshit

And I can truly see who is there or maybe it's just a way to feel good knowing hey, people might just not remember your birthday rather than knowing people KNOWS but they just truly don't give a shit about you... you know what I mean.

& you know what, 

it really helps.

I don't feel as beaten and I actually love the low key-ness.

I know. I fucking know people care about me.

Just the birthday wishes thing kinda turned me off when I remember people's birthday and they don't fucking do the same, you know

You will be like, 

"OMG you fucking drama queen STFU"

I keep telling myself that too don't worry HAHA

......

Okay back to the what I think about 26...

Still so fucking immature,

Still so irresponsible,

Still kinda useless

But hey, I actually lived my life a little better than the years before.

I am still trying to learn about myself. 

Never thought I would be so introverted EVER

Everyday it still surprises me how I enjoyed being alone but damn, it just feeeeeeeeeels good getting away from the bullshit and having a same-ish routine.

Not complaining.

And this morning as I was walking to work,

not being dramatic but omg,

thinking about all those teen years that I would just not wanna stay home or spend time with my family...

Now that I realised it's been 6 years since I celebrated any birthdays with any of my family..

IT FUCKING SUCKS

My parents have been giving me and my sister the best possible.

Even though I know they want the both of us to be happy and do whatever we want,

deep down I know they miss us..

Especially when both of us are overseas and we don't get to see them often enough.

So for my birthday,

I just wish my family, him and my loved ones + people that genuinely care for me, 

 a happy and healthy life :)

As cliche and cringey as it sounds,

you can grab a bucket to puke or flip a table thats fine,

this is really what I wanted.

SORRY GUYS.

Didn't wanna be negative at all, it's just the way it is.

As stupid as it sounds

Okay I get it, I didn't mute my birthday for posting it here LOLLL

But just because i love my ranting space and people that stalk me here wanna see what I bitch about.

I am bitchin about myself thank you very much.

Till then xx