2016 Recap.

2016

I've had so much to write and they're all still in my drafts.
I am pretty terrible this year.
I have not done much this year and did not achieve much this year.
Still cannot get over the fact that 2016 is coming to an end in less than a week  😭

I HATE IT.

There's so much things I wish to accomplish but it just zoomed by in a blink of an eye.

I have to admit this year is not one of those years that I adore.
I realized how terrible I am this year.

Definitely did not cross off the working on friendship bucket list that I made last year.
It's all bullshit.
I think I made it worse actually pfft.

I'm just so tired.
work drains me so much and all the time that I've got left, either i spend it with him or i decided to give it all to myself because I miss having my alone time.
Plus the time I've left will be like just days where it's not when others are free so it is a STRUGGLE.

Yeah yeah I keep putting the blame on time because you will prioritize if you put in effort bla bla bla I've heard so much stuff about this but seriously, in the end, you'll pick what makes you comfortable most after a loooooong day.

I don't want to wear a mask still even on my off days.
Pretending to enjoy the things that I would not much rather do.

Fuck, I swear adulting is the worse.
Making all the small talks that I ended up having awkwardness left.
Juggling with socializing, work, friendship, relationship, family, money, alone time bla bla bla
It drives me insane.
Not to mention, grumpy as fuck too.

I hate it.
I had turned myself something I would not imagine.

I have slowly see myself turning into my mum eventually.

Isolating myself at home just chilling with TV and chores.

I have always wondered when I was younger why did my mum never bother going out and hanging out with friends but she would rather just chill with us at home on the weekends but of course the need to do the mandatory house chores.
But now I kinda know why.

House chores could actually be the ultimate excuse to escape.
Having the time to just be herself. Totally.
Just with the people I enjoy being with aka me and my sis.
(well that's just my assumption about my mum anyway, who knows she is an introvert)

.........


Not to mention, this year has shaped me into a tough bitch.
I don't remember myself being an absolute stuck up bitch but this year, I totally am. Seeing myself being one when customers frustrates me at some point.

I never thought I could argue with customers out loud and not giving a shit.
That wasn't me like 5 years ago when I first started waitressing.
I had 100 or maybe 110% patience when it comes to handling shit but work has changed me.
It forced my inner bithcyness out of my shell.

I had become so much vulgar as in verbally.

Now everyone would have known me by how much f word that's coming out of my mouth because ya know, I would have not said it, at all, when it's like 2 years ago.

It had came to a point that I have not given a shit.

If you were to be mean to me, I'll do the same or maybe twice the amount.
But of course, I had it all under control (just). Just with the tone that I use. If you fuck me over with your manners or tone, I'll embarrass you with mine. End of story.

I guess if you're reading this, and you actually know me in person, you would be shocked hey?
That's how growing up and society has shaped me in to.
SIGH
It's scary to know what I had turned into.

.....

Enough with the negativity and harsh truth about the REAL me right now.
Somehow, that's just the work me.

I still love being with the people that I'm comfortable with.
Like I can still swear and rant but you know in the end it's just me saying it, I won't actually do it.

I feel sorry for him though.
Despite of me taking him for granted way too much sometimes, he still managed to try his best to cheer me up even though it's not related to him at all.

The first half of the year was amazing though we had our first kind of big getaway to Gold Coast which I am happy about.

But as for the other half, work has turned into shit and me being into shit.
Ah well.
He still stood by my side even though we haven't been hunting for food or our weekly brunches like we had earlier this year.
Most of the weekends is just us going to the market buying groceries and staying in in the evening, doing our own things.
It's not as happening like last year and he didn't complain at all.
He's happy to do it all with me.

what's not to be grateful about? :')

I've been slacking on writing it all down though. SIGH


....


Anyhow, hopefully 2017 is the year that I can actually adore.
I want it to be something.
I want it to be worthy.
I want to look back and think that 2016 has been rough but I actually get through it on the year of 2017, everything is going to be okay.

I don't wanna be in the crib of mine all the time wasting my time away!

Not gonna make a list of resolutions this year but I do wish to kick off the usual like spending more quality time, travel somewhere further and longer and maintain friendships that are worth treasuring ❤
Also, try cutting him some slack oops.

Happy New Year guys! (in advance)


Till then,
xx